Nearly died today. Some wanker came of the roundabout when I was on it... very close to where he came out. Slammed on the breaks, no harm done.

Told Mum... she had a go at ME for not going slow enough. Umm, what?! Tsk.

The grandfather is around. I think he's still living back in the 50's. He told me today that you only need to work out half an hour a week... and eat 2 bits of fruit a day. Later, he went 100 on the bridge. I told him it's 70 and pointed at the speedo... he nodded. He thought I was telling him the cricket score. Fantastic.

I drank some wine before. Was lovely. Proves there is a God. Later tonight, it, and my dinner will probably come out of my mouth in a torrent of yuk. It will prove there is no God.

I have a lump behind my ear. I thought it was a pimple or something... but it's been there for like a week. I hope it's not fucking ear cancer or some shit. Everything in your body is connected. So, if they need to take my ears off... my legs might stop working or something. IT COULD HAPPEN.

People I like: Patrick Watson. Singer.