30 January

The other day a group of my friends (all males at this point of the night) were walking in the lovely city of Hobart, from one club to another, at around midnight.

We passed a group of three girls, and one of them shouted at us, asking if we had a lighter. For the sake of this story, we will call her... BoganSlutFace.

Okay, so BoganSlutFace asks for a lighter. We say we don't smoke, and continue to walk. And that is the truth, none of us actually had a lighter.

End of story? Noooooo, because BoganSlutFace wanted a lighter. And she's grown up getting what she wants, and if she doesn't get it she shouts at her parents and cries like a little fucking two year old, and BoganSlutFace had not grown up inside.

She shouted at us again, wanting a lighter. Someone in our group shouted back that we don't have one (!!!) and that was enough for her, she was after us, her right hand in a fist.

We laughed.

She pushed John.

We laughed again.

She punched John really hard in the face.

We stopped laughing.

Who did she think she was? She didn't have the right to punch one of us in the face! But she did it anyway, because she was a girl, and she knew that we wouldn't push or punch her back. If it was guys verses guys (well, I would have ran off, I don't fight) but it would have been 6 verses 3, in our favour obviously.

So the only thing we could do is to continue to walk down the road, away from this crazy BoganSlutFace.

BUT she followed. Shouting at us, wondering if we "wanted a go".

She went on and on saying she did some sort of martial art when she was younger, which could have been a bit scary if she could actually move faster than a quick walk.

I just stayed out of reach, and she scuttled after me but never touched me.

Dos wasn't so fast. BAM, she punched him in the face too.

John tried to be funny. He danced off, singing (very out of tune), "Ohhh, I'm a bogan slut that likes pensis' in my bum". He then fell over and hurt himself. Was quite funny in retrospect.

Okay so let's look at where we are at the moment. A group of 6 guys are being pushed around by this one girl. Wow.

BoganSlutFace's two friends, Sheep1 and Sheep2 join BoganSlutFace in pushing and punching us.

That's it, we RUN off. Yes, run. They have followed us for about 200 metres, and it could have got a lot worse if we stayed for tea and biscuits.

The rest of the night was okay, but the moral here is always carry a lighter on you, because if you come across BoganSlutFace, Sheep1 and Sheep2 and you don't have one, you could get more than a punch in the face.

Amen.